she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
