he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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