you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
