i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
