Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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