you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
