the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
