For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
