i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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