So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
