I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
