neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
