I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
