So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
