shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
