What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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