She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm like, not good at living.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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