Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
