I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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