and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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