Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Actions speak louder than pants.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
