I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
