Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
