I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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