I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
