So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
