So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
