So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I party with great urgency now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
