i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
