My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
