I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
