she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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