Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad

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(516): View more from New York

you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny

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(917): View more from New York City

I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?

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(813): View more from Florida

Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him

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(210): View more from Texas

Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.

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(503): View more from Oregon

When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse

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