Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
