Ketchup is God's man juice
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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