I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
