can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
