I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Michael Bay diarrhea
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
