I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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