My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
