That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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