Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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