i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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