i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
