If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
