I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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