I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
