help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I want her autograph on my taint
Let's paint friendship bongs
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
