sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
