Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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