There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
