so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
